The
room is quite dim, with a “back in 5” sign hanging in what seems to be in
mid-air, right on the edge of the Void. We first see the sign being taken down by a hand with long, thing
fingers (mostly likely from long-time typing/piano/flute) and freshly painted
nails of a dark bluish tinge. The
camera zooms upward to reveal the Authoress, dressed in a pair of denim jeans,
clogs, and navy-blue T-shirt with a silver crown that reads Drama Queen on
the front. Obviously, she just got back
from somewhere, since she hasn’t even changed into her uniform yet. In fact, she has a rather… frustrated…look
on her face, searching frantically around for something (or someone).
Me: I don’t get it. Where are those two? I
told them we’d be doing a fic today…
After
searching the rafters, under the desk, and even in their special hangout
(unofficially named Kaos, after their home dimension), it is deduced
that the muses are most definitely not around.
Sighing, the Authoress has no choice but to bring in her “guests”, and
is about to do so, when she notices her magic whip is gone.
Me:
Gundammit! I need to sign them up for a
new muse training camp…
*snap*
Being
the resourceful Authoress that she is, a snap of the fingers replaces the whip
temporarily, as the Gundam Boys appear out of a bluish-silvery puff of smoke.
Wufei:
What do you want now?
Me:
So nice to see you too, Wuffie-chan.
But I got another really good MST for you all, and couldn’t bother to
wait for Chibi-Chibi and C.Q. to come back.
Simultaneously,
four of the five Gundam Pilots groan.
Quatre, being the most favored of the five and therefore least
susceptible to any permanent damage, simply sighs.
Heero:
So, wait a sec…the two hyperactive causes for most of our problems are
GONE? To where?
Me: <shrugs> Got me. But you know what this means, don’t you?
Four
of the five pilots pale visible.
Duo:
You wouldn’t…
Trowa:
You couldn’t…
Quatre:
You can’t!
Wufei:
She is!
Heero:
<the one not paling, rather glaring> Omae o korosu.
Then,
for the first time, the G-boys notice her everyday clothes, taking that as a
good sign. Duo asks if they had stolen
her whip, too…receiving a nod in response.
Unanimously, they all whoop, holler, cheer, and thank every known
god/goddess imaginable. That is, until…
*snap*
The
setting changes drastically; everybody is now inside some kind of
western-styled clubhouse. Over in the
corner, a player piano tinkles out some old-fashioned tune. The Authoress is now donned in a pair of
chocolate-brown boots, cream-colored pants with a matching jacket, and a silver
cowgirl hat slightly too small for her head.
Nearly the entire outfit, save the hat and shoes, are donned in
shimmering, silver fringes. Her blonde
hair, recently cut to just below her shoulders, has been pulled back into a
gorgeous French braid, with two strands shorter than the rest falling on either
side of her face. The Gundam boys are
wearing similar outfits, though their hair styles remain the same, only each in
a different color scheme:
Heero
has black boots, and a hunter-green outfit with black fringes and hat.
Duo
has greenish-brown boots, and a purple outfit with navy-blue fringes and hat.
Wufei
is wearing denim jeans, a black jacket with black fringes, and a black hat with
white band around it.
Trowa
possesses a navy-blue ensemble with a white hat and fringes.
Quatre
is all in white with pale-blue fringes, black boots, and no hat. Oh, wait…he found it. The hat is pale-pale blue in color…
Quatre:
<puts the hat on…which immediately falls over his eyes>
…and
apparently too big.
For
a brief moment, the Authoress squeals over Quatre as he tries to fix his hat,
the scene reminding her of the “Aftermath” chapter of Endless Waltz (the
movie version).
Looking
around, the Gundam boys (either beginning to get used to the Authoress’ mind,
or from actually being impressed) nod their approval, and each take his seat in
the saloon.
Duo:
Do we get to order any drinks?
Me: Good idea…<walks over to the bar, where
the bartender has his back turned, cleaning glasses>. I’ll have a Pina Colada, please…extra sugar,
no alcohol.
At
the sound of the voice, the bartender turns around…revealing
Moonfairy2000. Quatre, suddenly
realizing he’s surrounded by TWO fangirls, ducks underneath the table in a
hurry. The other pilots look at one
another nervously.
Moonfairy2000: Took ‘ya long enough to
get here! <starts making the Pina
Colada> Anybody else want something to drink?
Moonfairy2000,
or Moonfairy (as she prefers to be called), is shown wearing one of those old
saloon girl outfits. Her dress is black
with dark violet lace trimmings on the bottom and sleeves. It also has a violet sash around the
waist. A violet ribbon tied under her neck holds back long, blonde hair,
while a slightly-bloody stick sat on the ground by her feet.
Duo:
<groans> Why is she here?
Moonfairy2000: I have no life. Who wants an Iced Tea besides me?
Me:
<turns to Duo> Simple. It lies in
the rule of FanFiction. Whenever your
muses aren’t going to be around during a MST…invite a Guess Author! Moonfairy and I are IM chatting buddies, and
when I asked, she volunteered her time. <turns back to Moonfairy2000>
So…how ‘bout that Colada?
As
skillful as one would NOT have expected from her, Moonfairy serves each and
everyone their ordered drink, gets one for herself, then hops over the counter,
sitting next to the Authoress on the edge of the bar.
Me:
<hands small button to Moonfairy> Would you like to do the honors?
Moonfairy2000:
<giggles> Sure! It would be my
pleasure!
Taking
the remote, she presses the button.
On-stage, a giant screen comes down from above. Opening credits of the MST begin to play as
the lights dim, allowing Quatre to feel safe enough to come out from under the
table.
Duo:
Doesn’t that ruin the whole “Western-cowboy” theme you got going?
Me:
<shrugs> I gotta show the MST somehow
**~BEGIN MST~**
Title:
“Humorous Country Song Titles”
Author: Unknown
MSTED BY: ~J.C.~ (also known as
DragonBlond 04)
GUEST MSTED BY: Moonfairy2000
Moonfairy2000:
I’m special!
Me:
Hehe…that reminds me of the song Special Fred from Comedy Central…
G-boys:
Don’t go there.
All I Want From You (Is Away)
Quatre:
*singing* That’s all I ask of you…
Heero:
How appropriate; a musical about a stalker.
Me:
You should talk.
Beauty
is in the Eye of the Beerholder
Wufei:
Does that even make sense?
Get
Your Biscuits in the Oven, and Your Buns on the Bed
Duo:
But I thought it was “lovin’ in the oven, and bread on the bed”
Me:
No wonder the way through a man’s heart is his stomach…they’re all damn
hentais!
Moonfairy2000:
<equally appalled> GROSS!
All
My Exes Live in Texas
Heero: Looks like he won’t be visiting the cowboy
state for a while.
Moonfairy2000:
Hey! I like George Strait!
Duo:
<eyes wide> What?
Moonfairy:
<shrugging> I grew up on this stuff.
Trowa:
And you survived…how?
He Can’t Talk Without His Hands.
Quatre:
Sign Language?
Trowa:
Er…yeah…that’s it…
Heaven’s Just a Sin Away
Duo/Me:
That’s what YOU think!
Here’s a Quarter (Call Someone Who Cares)
Me: Okay…<whips out her cell phone and
dials>
Moonfairy2000:
That would be Travis Tritt.
Quatre:
<to Authoress> Who are you calling anyways?
Me:
Who else? Rachy-chan. She’d better not be on the roof again…
How
Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?
Heero:
Trust me, you wouldn’t miss her then, either.
I Don’t Know Whether To Go Kill Myself, or Go Bowling
G-boys:
Oooh…tough choice.
Moonfairy2000:
Hmm…sounds like something my dad would say.
Me:
<hangs up the phone> You know, that would’ve been pretty funny…
Moonfairy2000:
What would?
Me:
If every time Heero wanted to self-destruct, he and Duo went to a Bowling Ally
instead.
Duo:
You kidding? Half the series would’ve
been spent there!
I Got You on My Conscience, but At Least You’re Off My Back.
Me/Moonfairy2000:
Heero, have you been shooting people again?
I Guess I Had Your Leavin’ Coming
All:…huh?
Me:
To quote Ashy-chan: “I’m an oxymoron!”
I Keep Forgettin’ I Forgot About You
Quatre:
Wait a sec; doesn’t that cancel it out?
Trowa:
So…that means you remembered her.
Quatre:
I think so.
Me:
If you think the title’s confusing, you should see the song lyrics.
I Left Something Turned On At Home
Duo: Oh, ****…I forgot about Hilde!
Moonfairy2000:
I forgot who sang this one.
Me:
Puh-leeze…I haven’t a clue in the slightest who sang ANY of these.
I May Be Used, but Baby I Ain’t Used Up
Heero:
If it ain’t broken…
Quatre:
<suddenly goes Z-system>…BREAK IT! *cackles evilly*
Me:
Hey! Have you been drinking tea without
me again? <pouts>
Moonfairy2000:
Either that, or found my stash of Cream Savers…hmm…tea…good…<hops back over
the counter and makes herself another glass of iced-tea>
Wufei:
Weak Onna!
Me:
<ignores Wufei> Hey! Make one for
me, too, kay? I finished my drink two
songs ago.
I Wanted You to Leave until You Left Me.
All:
Hypocrite
Wufei:
Hypocrisy is for the weak
Moonfairy2000:
<sitting back on top of bar> This
is getting too old quick…
I Would Have Written You a Letter, but I Couldn’t Spell
“yuck”
Me:
Geez…and I thought *I* couldn’t spell.
Moonfairy2000:
No, Moonkitty spells worse.
Me:
Doubt it…I once spelled my name wrong on a test because I forgot there were two
n’s in Jennifer.
If Fingerprints Showed Up on the Skin, I’d Wonder Whose
Would Show Up on You
G-boys:
<in unison> Clinton’s
Trowa:
Okay, that was bad.
Heero:
Very.
If I Ain’t Got It, You Don’t Need It
Heero:
You’ll get nothing and like it!
Wufei:
Hmph. That’s the trouble with
women. Never Satisfied with what they
have, and always asking for more when they perfectly well have…
<<As
Wufei continues his ranting, the Authoress hands out earmuffs to the rest of
the group. She then sits back in the
nearest chair with a good book.>>
1 Hour Later…
Wufei:
…AND YOU CAN NEVER FIND THE BAKA GAS STATION WHEN YOU NEED IT!
Me:
<looks up> are you done yet?
Moonfairy2000:
<while looking up from her almost-finished novel> If he isn’t, he’s going
to be wishing he was…
If the Phone Doesn’t Ring, It’s Me
Quatre:
No, honestly…it’s me
Trowa:
No, it’s me
Duo:
No, it’s really me.
<<*pause*>>
Trowa:
…you’re right. It’s you.
Moonfairy2000:
Isn’t that statement an oxymoron anyhow?
Me:
<shakes her head> Nope. It’s just
further proof at how guys never plan to call back…damn bakas…
If Whiskey Were a Woman, I’d be Married for Sure
Wufei: INJUSTICE!
Women are weak, but whiskey is strong!
Me:
Will you give it a REST already?
Moonfairy2000:
<giggling evilly>
The Man That Came Between Us (Was Me)
Trowa:
Oh, great—another schizophrenic
Heero:
As if Une wasn’t enough…
<<*rimshot*>>
Heero:
<frantically looks around> What was that for?
The Chick’s Too Young to Fry
Me:
Dammit, HEERO!
Heero:
<innocently> what?
Duo:
hehe…”Dammit, Janet!”
Me:
<rolls her eyes> Thanks for the poorly placed Rocky Horror
plug-in, Duo.
Duo:
<shrugs> It’s not MY fault you were watching it again while
editing this thing.
Thank God and Greyhound She’s Gone
Duo:
…what’s the greyhound got to do with anything?
Moonfairy2000:
The bus company, you baka!
If You Can’t Bite, Don’t Growl
Heero:
If you can’t cook, don’t eat.
Quatre:
But what if you *can* cook?
Heero:
Don’t invite Duo over.
Moonfairy2000:
And if you do, hope you can clean the kitchen before your mother gets home.
Heero:
…I repeat: Don’t invite Duo over.
If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
Heero:
No
Wufei:
Hell, no
Me:
Not a Chance
Quatre:
Not if you paid me
Me:
…you’re rich, Quatre…
Quatre:
You’re point? The answer’s still no
I’ll Give You Something to Drink About.
Heero:
Yeah…assigning Duo as your partner in Preventers HQ…
Wufei:
Doing paperwork…
Heero:
In the same room…
Wufei:
Without Your Katana…
Heero:
Or Gun…
Both:
<shudder at the thought>
Duo:
<pouts> You’re all picking on me
Moonfairy2000:
<hugs Duo>
Me:
<watches her, then shrugs> As long as it ain’t Quatre, don’t care.
I’ll Marry You Tomorrow, but Let’s Honeymoon Tonight.
Quatre:
<confused> How do you honeymoon before you marry?
Trowa:
We’ll tell you when you’re older.
Quatre:
<has an innocently questioning on his face>
Me/Moonfairy2000:
<squeals like the Quatre-fangirls they are>
I’m the Only Hell Mama ever raised.
G-boys:
<look at the both Authoresses>
Me:
Hey, don’t look at me; I *do* have a little brother, ya know!
Moonfairy2000:
I’m a perfect angel! And an only child!
Wufei:
<snorts>
Moonfairy2000:
That’s it! <hikes up her skirt and begins to chase Wufei around the room,
swinging her giant stick>
Wufei:
ONNNNNAAAAAAAAAA!
Duo:
<watching with interest> See Wufei run…
Me:
See Moonfairy chase…
Duo/Me:
Run, Wuffie, Run!
Quatre:
er…shouldn’t somebody stop her before she kills him?
Me:
<calls out> Moonfairy! This ain’t
a death fic, so save your stick for Dorothy!
<<Moonfairy
apparently doesn’t hear, or doesn’t want to, as she continues chasing Wufei all
around the saloon. After half a minute,
everyone turns to Quatre>>
Quatre:
<sighs> Fine. Moonfairy, stop
chasing Wufei!
Moonfairy2000:
<immediately sits down> Fine.
All:
<sweatdrop>
I’ve Been Flashed from the Bedroom of Your Heart
<<All
cover Duo’s mouth before he can even say anything>>
Duo:
Mmfphtmherahmm…
I’ve Been Roped and Throwed by Jesus in the Holy Ghost
Coral.
Trowa:
Thus says the Lord…
Duo:
END THE FIC! END THE FIC!
Me:
Sheesh…
Moonfairy2000:
Jeez…
Lay Something on My Bed Besides a Blanket
Duo:
<raises hand excitedly> I volunteer!
Me:
<smacks Duo upside the head>
Let’s Do Something Cheap and Superficial
Wufei:
Any ideas, Maxwell?
Duo:
HEY!
Make Me Late For Work Today.
Trowa:
And deal with a very pissed-off schizophrenic on our hands? I don’t think so…
My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don’t Love Jesus
Duo/Me:
Sucks to be you.
My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, and I Sure Do Miss Him
Heero:
And all his Playboy magazines
Moonfairy2000:
Hentai!
Me:
<sighs> Did you learn NOTHING from the third song?
Pardon Me, I’ve Got Someone to Kill.
Me:
…HEERO, GIVE ME THAT GUN NOW!!!
Moonfairy2000:
I’m not giving you my stick.
Me:
I don’t even see why you brought it along…she’s NOT here, thank kami.
Remember to Remind Me I’m Leaving
Duo:
Yeah, sure…whatever, Madam Redundancy
Trowa:
And what would happen if you forgot?
Heero:
I don’t think he’s gotten that far yet.
Savin’ the Honey for the Honeymoon
Me:
Mmm…honey…<drools>
Moonfairy2000:
Yuck…honey…
Me:
<stares at her for a moment> Where ever she is right now, Rachy-chan just
got a sudden urge to jump off of a roof and doesn’t know why…
She Feels Like a New Man Tonight
All:
…
Wufei:
That’s…disturbing….
She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy
Duo:
If she thinks a tractor’s sexy, I wonder what she’d think of a Gundam
Quatre:
You blew them up, remember?
Duo:
Oh, yeah. Damn.
Moonfairy2000:
Hmm…Kenny Chensy.
Me:
Hehe…my spellchecker picked that up as “Kenny Cheesy.” Told you it was a pain in the arse.
Redneck Martians Stole My Baby
Me:
*blink, blink*
Heero:
Suuuuure they did
Trowa:
Now forget about those mean old Martians, and come try on this lovely white
jacket with sleeves that tie in the back
Me/Moonfairy2000:
*blink, blink*
She’s Acting Singles…I’m Drinking Doubles
Trowa:
Somethin’ tells me he got the down side of that bargain.
Moonfairy2000:
Somethin’ tells me he’s drunk.
Shut Up and Talk to Me
Me:
Duo and Trowa, respectively
Trowa:
…
Duo:
…
Heero:
Well, one outta two ain’t bad…’specially THAT one.
Moonfairy2000:
Haven’t heard of this song…although I have heard of “Shut Up and Kiss Me”
Me:
<*^_^*> I love that song! Mary Chapin Carpenter…or is it Julie
Brown? <blanks out> They both
sang it.
Walk Out Backwards Slowly So I’ll Think You’re Walking In
Quatre:
Okay, I’ve heard of denial, but that’s ridiculous
We Never Killed Each Other (But Didn’t We Try)
Me:
…and the other gun, Heero
Heero:
<grumbling, hands the second gun over>
Moonfairy2000:
<protectively clutches her stick>
You Can’t Have Your Kate and Edith, Too
Duo:
<pouts> Why not?
Quatre:
Er…what about Hilde?
Duo:
What about Hilde?
<<All
of a sudden, Hilde appears out of nowhere, mallet in her hand>>
Hilde:
DUO NO BAKA! <wallops him, before vanishing again>
Duo:
<holds his head in pain> ITAI!
Me:
I swear, she must be Akane reincarnated to the GW Universe
All:
<shudder at the thought>
You’re One Hot Dog to be Lyin’ Under the Porch
Duo:
Why, thank you
<<everyone
just rolls his/her eyes>>
Your Alibi Called Today
All:
BUSTED!
You’re The Reason Our Kids are so Ugly
Quatre:
Well, that was uncalled for.
Moonfairy2000:
Also harsh.
Venom Wearin’ Demin
Me:
<Z-system look> DOROTHY!!!
Quatre:
Um…she doesn’t wear demin
Me:
Care to argue, Qua-chan?
Quatre:
No, ma’am
Moonfairy2000:
<giggling, swings her stick in the air> Hmm…Dorothy’s blood…
Me:
As a newly-acclaimed pacifist…I’ll have to ask you kill her outside my
view range, kay?
There’s a Tear in my Beer
Duo:
Hehe…go cry a river.
<<another
rimshot is heard from somewhere…not sure where, exactly, seeing as the
Authoress’ muses aren’t around>>
Duo:
Get it? Tear? Cry?
<<Complete
silence takes over; a cricket chirps somewhere in the background>>
Moonfairy2000:
<rolling her eyes> That would be Hank Williams.
The Pint of No Return
Wufei:
<monotonous> Oh, the horror.
Heero:
<same> Somebody Help.
I Can't Get You Out of My Mind 'Cause
You Still Got Your Hand in My Pocket
All:
DUO!!!
Duo:
<whining> Wha-at?
I Thought I Was Hank 'Til
My Woman Made a Patsy Out of Me
Wufei: Hmph…weakling…
<<as Wufei goes into another rant, everyone just
ignores him this time.>>
Me: You’d think he would get board after a while…
Duo: …and about twenty plus rants per fic.
Words Can't Express How I Feel, Babe, So I'll Convey it in
Grunts
Trowa: So that explains your vocabulary, Heero.
Heero: <grunts>
She Won't Kiss and Tell,
but She Don't Kiss That Well
Duo/Moonfairy2000: Oooh…shot DOWN!
I'd Like To Introduce That Gal to O.J.
Quatre: …or Heero
Me: <still in anti-Dorothy mode> The Witch must die!
Quatre: Whoah, breath girl.
Calm down. Pacifist, remember? PA-CI-FIST.
Me: <suddenly over it>
Okay.
<<the others sweatdrop>>
**~END
MST~**
Duo: You know, as much as I hate to admit it, that wasn’t half
bad.
Wufei: Yeah…are you going soft on us, onna?
Me: Going soft?
Never! This was just something I
knew Moonfairy2000 would enjoy.
Speaking of…how’d you like it, girl?
Moonfairy2000: <tallying up all the songs she knows> Loved it! Hmm…let’s see…somewhere in the world of
parodies there is a parody to “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy.”
Duo: <curious> What’s it called?
Moonfairy2000: <grinning> “My Cellmate Thinks I’ve Sexy.”
Duo: I’m sorry I asked.
Quatre: …I don’t get it
Me: Don’t worry about that, Qua-chan. Anyways, glad to have ‘ya aboard, Moonfairy!
Moonfairy2000: Thanks for having me!
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I hafta go see what my muses did to my closet
while I was gone…
Me: No problem; I understand completely. That’s why I gave my muses their own hangout…
Speaking of, ask UmiMimoe and StrawberryHikaru if they’ve seen those two chibi
troublemakers, will ya?
Moonfairy2000: <nods> Sure.
*snap*
And with a snap of the fingers, Moonfairy and the Gundam
Boys are transported back to their intended (and much desired)
destinations. A few more snaps, and the
Authoress is back in her realm, continuing the intense search for her missing
muses…
TO
BE CONTINUED…
Where did the muses go?
Will the Authoress find them, and in the meantime, what is she gonna do
for her next MST? Find out next time,
on:
THE MISSING MUSES SAGA
PART II: DBZ Song Parodies